Monday, March 24, 2014


PTSD I've heard of this before but never would I of thought it would possible effect me. Those who don't know what PTSD is it's Post traumatic Stress Syndrome. It's true that parents of child with cancer can get this. We have been though a rough few months. I had a full time job that I loved and that I was finally getting use too a job I thought I would be spending the rest of my life at with amazing staff who became friends and Doctors who became people I could come to for advice in my children without making a appointment. Now I'm a stay at home mom to a child who takes more medicine and I have to ask every hour does anything hurt are you feeling okay today and dealing with mood swings where sometimes I sit and daze out and get lost in my mind so I forget this is my life now. 1 in 300 hundred children are diagnosed with cancer each year and they have come a long way with curing cancer. But the effects of the chemotherapy can cause secondary cancers and heart disease and years of treatment. Even when Haylee is done with all her treatment there is still the worry it may come back and the yearly visits. The cancer may be gone but its not really ever over. I have nightmares not about me but about her and even about Hunter. There is a chance Hunter could get it. The relationship with friend and family are different, I find myself being short with them and irritated at things that I shouldn't be.  Cancer becomes the center of your lives. With Chad and I we have had to put everything aside and put our whole focus on Haylee and try to juggle our attention with both Haylee and Hunter. Yes I take medicine to help me otherwise I don't even think I could get out of bed without a little help. There are things that I wish I could tell my friends my husband and my family and I know keeping it in isn't good but sometimes finding the words to tell someone is hard. I'm trying my best to focus on today not tomorrow and what I can and cannot control. But I am a person that worries all the time I always have been. Even growing up I worried over things that now seem so silly. I sometimes with I could close my eyes and wake up in my parents house in my bed and shake this dream off. But I know thats childish of me and I have to get up and focus on my kids the house and trying to make sure I don't lose myself in the process of all this craziness. One day at a time right. Because even happiness can be found in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light! 


1 comment:

  1. Very familiar with PTSD - never once did I ever think about it in context with cancer... but it's so damn true. Cancer within your family is SO traumatic. Have you seen the movie "Reign Over Me" with Adam Sandler & Don Cheadle? Goodness - if you haven't - check it out.